Not all Twin Flames are Meant to be Together

Love encompasses all, so why is there a need to distinguish one type of love from another? The answer is that in order to spiritually evolve as individuals, we often need to label what we feel and experience. This helps us to better understand what we’re going through on the physical plane.

Please know that all unconditional forms of love are no better or worse than each other. They all bring their own unique gifts and lessons. They are equal.

So where do I begin… As a Pisces I am the last of the zodiac and as a 9 (numerology), I am also the last in the cycle before the next harmony. I have always had deep feelings that this may be my last incarnation on this earth school. It is quite literally part of my characteristics and charts that I have always questioned life. During my spiritual awakening and journey, I have have always been able to immediately recognize my soulmates, those who I have shared past lives with. My grandma was a soulmate, a few old lovers were soulmates and a few of my friends are my soulmates… But the minute I made eye contact with my twin flame (days before we even said a word to each other), I knew something was different (before I even knew what the hell a “twin flame” was). I ended up doing a lot of research because I couldn’t explain this energetic cord that I felt so strongly. After looking into my feelings, other peoples testimonials, research and stories it was very obvious to me that I had met my twin flame. This was after a year of living together. To be honest its actually really hard for me to share this with you guys. It has been really hard to relate to people or take advice from those who don’t understand what a twin flame is, or the roller coaster of knowing one.

A twin flame is stated to be two  halves that make up one whole, however upon splitting, they become their own soul. When you reach a certain level of consciousness or a higher frequency level, your soul has to split into two in order to come back down into a physical body. This means that there are essentially two of you roaming the earth. Both of you are in a way, half the energy that you originally were. This other half of your energy is your Twin Flame, and when the two of you cross paths or meet it is like you instantly feel whole again.  According to, “twin flames don’t often go though incarnations at the same time. Usually one will incarnate while the other stays and assists from the higher realms. As your soul progresses, the time may come for you to be reunited with your twin flame on the physical plane. This person can be of the same or opposite sex, but spiritually they will encompass the yin or yang essence to complement yours.”

KINDRED SPIRITS –  individuals that resonate at the same level, or frequency, as us.

SOULMATES  – friends of the soul. Spiritually, soulmates usually play a major role in your development. Ex. a sister in a past life can be a lover in this life. Your mom in a past life can be a daughter in this life. 

TWIN FLAMES – are our mirrors.  

So now that that is cleared up, a twin flame is usually a toxic / beautiful / painful / passionate / Tumultuous / transforming relationship.  This is because your twin flame serves to show you everything that needs to be healed within you. This is not to be confused with “love” being painful. Love is not painful. Everything that stands in the way can be, though. If you have a Twin Flame you will meet in every lifetime that you both incarnate, regardless of your level of consciousness. But, whether the two of you can make it work will depend on your frequency and essentially how much you have learnt to love yourself unconditionally.

They reflect back to us our every strength, insecurity, weakness and shadow element. The purpose of the twin flame relationship is said to help us undergo soul work and become the best version of ourselves possible. I agree with this, because my major growth came after my twin — my soul purpose, came after my twin. But the issues I have is that among the spiritual community a majority of every post and article, says that all twin flames are MEANT to be together… and this is amazing and is true for many twin flames (I have witnessed this) and I think this is beautiful. Although, I do not think that ALL twin flame relationships follow under this ONE and only category. And this is something important that those who recognize that they are a twin need to understand.

Many articles talk about the cycle of stages that twin flames endure –  that includes a yearning stage, falling in love, outer turmoil, inner purging, runner / chaser, surrender, etc. etc. and then a “reunion” once they completely release their ego and under go self love — and this may be true and great, but I do not think that we should categorize all Twin Flame relationships under this type of cycle or category.

My personal experience with my own twin flame has catapulted my growth spiritually, taught me self love, self worth and unconditional love. And while all this sounds beautiful it was by far the most painful experience I have ever experienced. Your twin flame could be your greatest dream or your worst nightmare (or both). They will test you, provoke you, betray you and love you fiercely all at once. For many times, one twin is more spiritually evolved than the other and I think it is very toxic for one or any twin to hold onto the idea that “all twin flames are meant to be together” — this idea can lead to one twin to taking advantage of the other or for one twin to hold on to an idea that may be so far from their own personal soul purpose and growth.

A twin flame relationship is bat shit crazy, insanity, painful, heart ripping (at least mine was)… at first you are in a love that is so deep in passion, and then the mirrors come out and every single fear, insecurity, weakness, unhealed trauma is brought to the surface. This reason alone is why many twins run, they do not want to face those shadows or mirrors. My twin flame, towards the end of our relationship emotionally cheated on me many times and I’m sure still carries these same patterns, always searching outside of him self for answers, validation, reassurance — in many ways I did this too — because we are twins, we mirror each other. Which is the biggest lesson of twin flame relationships. Learning self love and unconditional love, looking at yourself in another human and having compassion, non-judgmental love and UN-CONDITIONAL LOVE — love WITHOUT a condition for those of you who think you know unconditional love, but you put rules and constraints on your partner, well check again folks, THAT IS NOT UNCONDITIONAL.  Loving others, especially your twin, is loving yourself.  Many twin flame relationships become toxic and painful due to this fact alone, because most of the things they dislike about themselves they see in their twin and they aren’t willing to heal or go through the work of healing so they run, or cheat. etc. And its hard to blame them because healing is fucking painful. There is nothing beautiful about healing while you are healing. The beauty comes after when you pat your self on the back and have cleared out all that sticky, energy, pain and hurt and feelings of unworthiness, self doubt, etc. that may have been built up from childhood and many past lives.  I have spent the last two years on a mission of healing myself and trust me, I still have a long ways to go. But the progress could literally brings tears to my eyes..

Layers and layers of pain that needs to be healed and many people don’t want or know how to heal because in order to heal… YOU HAVE TO FEEL AND GO THROUGH ALL THE FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS and pain, that you may have been suppressing, or don’t even know it is there because he has been hidden or trapped so far away. I mean, who wants to feel pain? No one, which is why people numb themselvs or use toxic coping / escape mechanisms.  I think Alcohol and weed are a few we can all raise our hand on. 

One of the reasons that are very first products were crystal bath bombs, was because one of the only ways I knew how to heal (before I got more advance and confident in my rituals and feminine power) was taking a meditation bath and quite literally crying, for minutes to hours, releasing all this energy and emotion that I had been hiding or suppressing because I was ashamed or didn’t want to face it, but more so because I fucking needed to get it out before I did something crazy, like punch someone in the face. I know that sounds horrible, but in my high school days I got in so many fights because I had all this built up energy that I didn’t know how to release. For me being able to cry in a bath, was validation that what I was feeling was real. This type of healing is hard, especially for men, because our society has taught us that showing emotion is a weakness, when it really is the most powerful strength and the more you suppress it then more out of tune you become and the more angry one can get… the more one does not trust others because they do not trust themselves. 

My twin flame taught me my self worth, boundaries and self love. Still a journey that I continue to walk and grow on everyday, and I am very grateful for that gift he has given me.  I am constantly being tested by my angels and the universe of my boundaries, trust and growth within my self love and divinity that is me, and is in all of us. Every time I think I have over come something, I am immediately tested on it again, or my twin would pop in  my life, or something literally where I would have to say, not today satan, not today (haha, this is a joke). The key though in growth is being able to recognize these signs and test from the universe, your higher self.  There is nothing beautiful or self loving about letting someone walk all over you because you do not love or put yourself first enough to say No.  Enough is enough. My twin would come and call and crawl back into my life and I would just let him over and over again. What was this teaching me? That I clearly wasn’t putting myself first. The first step to self love.  These lessons and immense love for myself, has taught me that my twin is not deserving of me. My twin does not deserve to be on the pedestal that I always placed him at, because I wanted so badly to see the good in him, because I so badly wanted to see it in myself. The minute that I finally put myself first, was the minute that I finally chose to let him go, and let me tell you, it was not easy!

Having a toxic drama cycle of allowing him to come in and disrupt my life and energy on his terms, having hope that maybe one day he will heal and we might be able to be together again. As a twin, why would you not want to be with the other part of yourself? The day I chose to not allow him to take up all my energy when he felt he needed to plug back into source, into divine feminine energy when he was feeling depleted, when he needed to remember who he was, be inside me and then run away again from all his problems and inner healing… Was the day I stepped into my soul purpose and self healing fully.

Me allowing my twin to manipulate me was not me loving myself, this was not me putting myself first. I am sure he did not mean to purposely manipulate me, he was running away from himself. I saw it every time, but I was not honoring myself or my integrity by allowing him to cheat on his current girlfriend with me or to show up to my house when it was ONLY on his terms. What about me? The idea that “all twin flames are meant to be together” subconsciously made me want to help, or have hope that he would remember who he was. Many readers I have talked to told me that I should help him remember, and so all these things (advice from people outside of my own self) allowed my twin to come into my life and quite literally drain me of my energy and my self worth. I do not think that all twin flames are meant to be together, although if they do end up together I believe that it is one of the highest forms of passionate love and twin flames that do end up together, do have a mission to help elevate love and light on this planet. But I do not think that as a spiritual community that we should not categorize or romanticize this idea for EVERY twin flame, because every twin flame is different, although the circumstances may be the same. Had I let go of this stereotyped fantasy a long time ago I could have saved myself and my heart lots of betrayal and stunts in my growth. Although I am extremely grateful to have my twin flame during this incarnation and thankful for the lessons he has taught me (I would be NO WHERE AS far into my spiritual growth having not met him) I also feel in my heart that we are not meant to be. Many times a soul might want to experience both sides.. ultimately the light and the dark. Without light there can’t be dark, without dark their can’t be light. Maybe some twins purposes are different and need the lessons of a twin to complete their own personal mission. Not all twins need to carry out missions together and I think this is something that should be shared. So that twins can detach themselves from their twin (side of them) that may be completely lost, behind, damaging or still in their dark.

Hanging on to a draining, twin is hanging on to the sides of your own self that bring you down, that drain your energy and your solar plexus and make you question you self worth. Which is not the highest form of love on this plane, which ultimately is what the gift  of a twin flame relationship is all about. So if having to let go of your twin, gets you to a place of self discovery, self love and unconditional love, then the twin flame relationship has served its purpose. There is no reason to hang onto it any longer. You must let it go.  If you can see your twin flame bond as a blessing instead of a curse – it will drag you through all the sludge and gunk that is blocking your internal and eternal bliss and let you shine bright as the diamond you were born to be. 

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  • Thank you for this. My twin and I split almost a year ago, and I’ve been avoiding consoling the Internet in large part due to the sentiment that we’re eventually meant to end up together. I, too, have always had a knowing (you know the one – things you just simply k n o w) we aren’t meant to end up together, and yet this popular belief we’re eventually supposed to reunite romantically is exactly what’s been holding me back from letting him go, and I can see so clearly that not letting him go has been holding me back greatly spiritually – probably moreso than I can even comprehend at this point, but I know it’s been keeping me stagnant, and I’m finally to a point where I’m fucking over it. So, just today, I’m journaling the rest of this shit out, and am coming to the conclusion that even if I am to fully heal, I can’t be doing it for him, because there’s a chance we may never reunite anyway, no matter what I do, because I’m only in control of myself. And if that’s the case, which it is, I need to let go of any attachment to the outcome of “us,” and focus inward to the outcome of “me,” because that’s the one thing I’ve got full control over. It’s been almost a month since I finally got fed up of living every single day frickin obsessing depressedly over not having my other half with me and letting that dictate my excistence, and then some extra weird spiritual shit and shifts leading up to what I’m assuming is just about to be a big consciousness shift or leveling up of some sort once I’ve finished closing this chapter of my life and beginning my new one, the one where I take everything my mirror allowed me to see and work through, and focus strictly inwards onto healing myself, f o r myself, by myself. Thank you for your article. I really appreciate it. It’s so nice to hear that once you let him go, you were sort’ve propelled forward into your truest of destinies. I can feel myself almost there – I’ve almost been there for quite some time (another thing I “know”) – and this article gives me hope and excitement for the changes to come, albeit it may be a tad daunting and scary. If you want to reply, do you believe the one you’re supposed to end up with is still out there (or maybe you’ve already met him/her), but is nonetheless not your twin flame? I’ve been told if mine and I heal and transcend, we’ll eventually reunite to do something creative together, rather than romantic, but I’ve got to let that go, too (!! OMG – still in the process, see?? 😉 but so close), with the rest of all this, because that’ll keep me hanging back and holding onto something that ultimately distracts me from doing my own work, for myself. What happens outside of me happens – I can only better myself, and trust the uni will guide me to my most divine path. Anyways, I’m rambling now, but I see it as all a part of my moving forward via writing journey. Thank you. <3

  • Simply, thank you for sharing your story. I resonate with so much of your experience with your twin flame. I am at that point right now of trying to release all of my pent up emotion. Ohh the tears. I’ve been fighting to be strong and now I’m allowing that release. I long for him, Desire him and our connection. I want to unzip my skin and crawl out. I feel so anxious in my own body feeling the loss of him.
    But I can’t keep letting him back in and allow him to suck my soul dry.
    As you said the twin flame experience is beautiful, toxic, passionate, tumultuous. It is the most addictive feeling. I am forever grateful to feel emotions so deeply for another human.
    For now or forever I have to let it go and focus solely on myself. Thank you again.

  • Kudos to you both for telling me exactly what I needed to hear. It’s what I’ve been feeling for quite some time but too caught up in the romance to be honest with myself. I think that after reaching enlightenment I’m finally going to love what the mirror is reflecting. ME, my twin flame. Best of luck and love on your journeys!

  • I agree. Not all Twin Flames are meant to be together. Everyone’s journey is unique. To put all Twin Flames in the same category is false. Our Twin also has free will. We can only do so much. We can be a “leader twin”, but we must establish and keep healthy boundaries. Having sex without a commitment is only allowing our Twin to have all his/her needs met without any growth or responsibilities. I made this mistake bc I read all the information out there saying that I am meant to be with my Twin and that I should manifest the preferred outcome.

    We are both married. I have ended things. I was ready to leave my husband to be with him. We both have young kids. He won’t leave his wife bc he believes that a father should never break up his family (kids). He’s afraid of his mother’s harsh judgement.

    My Twin will have to learn the hard way that love sometimes requires sacrifice. You can’t have both. He’ll have to grow up. Loving someone unconditionally is sometimes giving out “tough love”. It’s not about giving them only what they want. I may be the “one that got away”. That’s a regret he’ll have to live with in this lifetime.

    Perhaps he’ll see the light and make an about face to be with me, but he needs to do the work first. I can keep a line of communication open with him, but I have to keep healthy boundaries first.

    • Flower do I resonate with you. Mine chose fame over me. I understand he loved his career and was only getting further but a decade or two form now he’s going to look back and realize he missed out on true love that would have lasted a lifetime. These men are very caught up on karmic situations and money. They haven’t learned true joy and happiness is found in your loved ones. But I’m moving back home and letting him go as it’s over forever. It hurts but this time it feels like a healthy letting go rather than running away and it feels free for me to move on finally after 3 years of chaos Bc he chose his career over me.

      • Sara, you are making a wise choice. It’s hard. I have 2 more months of healing since I wrote my last reply. I can say now that in some ways, I’ve actually lost respect for my Twin bc he wanted an indefinite affair with me. He wanted his cake and wanted to eat it too. Sound familiar??? I’d rather never be united with my twin in this lifetime than go through that again. He’s such a baby!!! Now when he sees me, he’s all depressed like a little boy who didn’t get his candy. My attitude now is; man up and do your healing. Figure things out on your own. I’ll always love him, but I’m not sacrificing my dignity again.

        Also, since I ended things, my husband and I have been getting closer. Having an affair with my Twin put a huge wedge in my marriage. My husband is karmic for sure, but I’ve always felt that I am where I should be. I was ready to leave my husband for my Twin because it felt so right with my Twin. Now I realize that I was trying to control the outcome. I’ve set him free and cut the chains that were holding me back.

        I hate all these so called psychics trying to make money on Twin Flames. They are like predators ready to groom their prey. Scammers. Anyone who has a Twin Flame is a natural empath and can figure things out on their own. None of us need a psychic. Ridiculous!!! A healer yes, but a psychic no.

  • Thank you very much for your article. I’ve cried so much tonight…well every night. I met my twin in high school 11 years ago and we’ve been broken up for nine years. We’ve been out of communication for I’d have to say 2 to 3 years. She is engaged for the second time none was with me 😪 but I do have a feeling she will actually go through with it this time. We had a passionate relationship & I was completely head over heels in love with her. I do feel she was in love but the other part of me sees how she manipulated me and used me. I Grew up wanting nothing but a family just like she did. She cheated on me in the past. Said the most hurtful things that I’ll always remember. Was never there when I needed her the most. I was diagnosed with ms and lupus 5 years ago and have yet to have a real conversation about me and my diseases with her. I hear her every day especially at night. Twin flame telepathy has been a blessing and a curse. I even reached out to an astrologer about moving on. His reaction an answer to me was “it is the one that’s always been there” a huge reason why I have held on. She got engaged in June (2nd time) which broke my heart! I’ve told myself That I can’t forgive her right now I can’t try again with her in the future. She has hurt me beyond excruciating pain and doesn’t even care how I feel. I alwaysss thought twin flames (me & her) were meant to be together but I’m starting to think our soul purposes are different. I know I have to merely work on self love in order to attract a soul mate possibly… & what gets me is that I’ve haven’t been with anyone for 6-7 years because I was waiting for her. And now I have to chop it up to a lost cause. I’ve experienced so many synchronicity’s. Thinking I see her (her dreads), hearing / seeing her name, the times & telepathy etc etc! I just don’t know if we are meant to be but I doesn’t matter anymore because marriage is til death do you part! I take marriage very seriously! I’m very traditional come from a family whose marriages work last for decades. & I refuse to be anyone but number one. She screwed up a life with a GOOD WOMAN. 😥😪Thank you again I have no one to vent to about my twin flame nor journey so this was very much needed. Xox Melissa

  • Can’t agree more. Mine is about to
    Embark on a journey to more fame as I am feeling the call to go home to my family and loved ones. I thought for so long I had a knowing we’d be together and now that’s faded. It makes me really sad Bc I loved him so very much. Why on earth after all I’ve been through, would god do this to me? It’s painful and I’ve been through a lot. Of course my story didn’t end happy. That’s the story of my life with love. After this I’ve truly truly up on love. He was who I searched for my entire life for it to not work out anyway. Heartbreaking. Sad part was Jesus told me to trust this love and for what? To hold on and suffer longer? I feel lied to by god.

    • Jesus sent you to your Twin in order for you to see your weaknesses and areas that you need to heal. For some of us, we need an awakening to heal so we can be a better version of ourselves. What did your twin show you? What do you need to heal?

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