How To move from Anxious to Secure Attachment Style - Chasin' Unicorns

How To move from Anxious to Secure Attachment Style

Are you someone who constantly seeks validation and reassurance in your relationships? Do you feel like you always need to be with your partner and fear being alone? If so, you may have an anxious attachment style.

Anxious attachment style is characterized by a deep fear of abandonment and a constant need for reassurance and validation. It can be tough to manage, but it's not impossible to overcome.

Avoidant attachment style is characterized by a strong desire for independence and self-sufficiency in relationships. Individuals with this attachment style often have a tendency to keep emotional distance from their partners, which can make them appear detached or uninterested in emotional intimacy. Avoidantly attached individuals may have had experiences in childhood that have led them to believe that depending on others is risky or unwise, so they often develop a sense of self-reliance as a defense mechanism. Interestingly, avoidant and anxious attachment styles are often attracted to each other. Anxious individuals desire closeness and intimacy, while avoidant individuals desire distance and independence. This creates a push-pull dynamic in which anxious individuals may feel a strong need for emotional connection, while avoidant individuals may feel overwhelmed and smothered by this need. Despite the challenges, with effort and communication, it is possible for these individuals to form healthy, fulfilling relationships.

The good news is that with a little work, you can move towards a more secure attachment style.

Here are some tips:

  1. Recognize your triggers: The first step in moving towards a secure attachment style is to recognize your triggers. These triggers are usually related to situations or experiences that have caused you to feel anxious or insecure in the past. Once you can identify them, you can start to work on managing them.

  2. Learn to communicate your needs: One of the biggest challenges for people with an anxious attachment style is communicating their needs. Often, they may fear rejection or abandonment and may not feel comfortable expressing themselves. Learning to communicate your needs can be a powerful tool in moving towards a more secure attachment style. Remember, your partner cannot read your mind, and they may not know what you need unless you tell them.

  3. Practice self-compassion: It's essential to practice self-compassion when you have an anxious attachment style. It's easy to beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, but it's crucial to be kind to yourself. Remember that you are not alone, and it's okay to feel the way you do.

  4. Build a support network: Surround yourself with people who support you and understand your struggles. Having a support network can be incredibly helpful when you're trying to move towards a more secure attachment style. Reach out to friends or family members, or consider finding a therapist who can provide additional support.

  5. Challenge your negative thoughts: People with an anxious attachment style often have negative thoughts about themselves and their relationships. These thoughts can be overwhelming and can contribute to feelings of anxiety and insecurity. Challenge these negative thoughts by asking yourself if they are true, or if there is evidence to support them. Then, try to replace them with more positive and realistic thoughts.

  6. Become completely obsessed with yourself: Self-love makes one more attractive. Stop worrying what they are doing and start become so focused on yourself, your looks, your appearance, your workouts that you don't have time to worry about what they are doing. This behavior will instantly make you more attactive and magnetic.

Moving towards a more secure attachment style takes time and effort, but it's worth it. By recognizing your triggers, communicating your needs, practicing self-compassion, building a support network, and challenging your negative thoughts, you can learn to create healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Remember, it's okay to take things one step at a time. You don't have to overcome your anxiety all at once. Just keep working towards your goal, and you'll get there eventually.

Want to learn more? Click below to watch this video from one of my favorite Youtubers. Her content has changed the game for me. I can proudly say, I am a secure attachment style! 


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